Love, lust, like, love. When do our feelings pass from one of these levels to another? Where do we all stand now? Are we able to commit? Simply put, in the words of The KLF, words that we have all asked ourselves, "What the fuck is going on?"
It seems as if we all find it hard to clearly express our feelings for one another. Just as the Eskimos have hundreds of different words for snow, we have just as many for our meaningful relationships. We play around with "like"s, "love"s and "care for"s in vain attempts to claim control over our emotions. But in reality, we're just grasping at thin air. We go around pretending that we have a handle on what we feel, giving it a name, but the fact that these terms don't clearly convey anything to others betrays the fact that we are all just bluffing.
I mean, has anyone (stand-up comedians excluded) ever figured out what the difference between being in like with someone, and being in love with someone, is. Or how to differentiate between a date, and a date date? How many times have you been able to stay friends afterwards? Obviously, these phrases are sometimes used to spare feelings, but all too often, they are used to hide them.
We hide behind these empty phrases in attempts to protect ourselves from rejection by others. Let's face it, none of us wants to be the first to say "I love you" only to get back "And I like you" (even "Ditto" would be better than that). The problem is if neither one of us is willing to make the first step, we'll never get anywhere. We realize this, and thus enter the mind games.
Before I get too far up on my soapbox, let me make a confession. I too have been guilty of the mind game. For anyone who is unclear of what the game is, a quick explanation. The game is usually played between two people who are currently "friends", or at least friendly, one of which has grander designs for the relationship. This is the time where the aforementioned playing with semantics enters the picture. Then, the person who wishes for more starts trying to telepathically let the other know his or her true feelings, hoping to get a favorable response, before words are dared spoken. Unfortunately, most people aren't all that proficient with telepathic powers (including Uri Geller). Thus we let what could be a potentially great future slip away, because we are afraid we will get hurt, afraid that we will ruin the good present.
It would be really easy right now to tell you that I can now let you avoid these games by giving you my "definitive" list of definitions for emotions. Real easy. The problem is that I would be bull-shitting you. I don't really have any more of a clue than you do. But I do plan on figuring out the answers to what should be the easiest questions the world:who am I, who is he, who is she, who are we? (And no, the answer is most likely not "We Are DEVO")
It looks like the only way out of this mess is through that rarely used skill: communication. True communication. You might think it absurd that I am saying that communication is dead in today's world of the super-media highway, but that's my point exactly. Most of what passes for communication these days is really just a series of soliloquies. You turn on the radio, and passively absorb another's ideas; you turn on your computer and send an e-mail message, in effect holding half a conversation; even when we do talk face-to-face, how much time do you spend listening to the other person, and how much time do you spend thinking of what you're going to say next? The communication that is going to help us out is a totally honest exchange of feelings, truly listening to what the other side is saying, and not saying. We need to look into that enigmatic smile, that shit-eating grin, that self-depreciating smirk. We need to listen again.
Maybe we should all meet up next week at the Ferst Theater, and work this out together. We could all where name tags and have sign up sheets for the people we want to have relationships with, indicating the intensity of our emotions. Two people sign up on each other's lists, and a neutral arbiter negotiates the result. No hard feelings, no trepidation, no anger, no shed tears. Well get past all the awkward moments and get on with the rest of our lives. I'm game, are you?